#!/usr/bin/env bash
# chudflare: infrastructure-as-a-chud, from your terminal.
# https://chudflare.com
# License: WTFPL but hunched.

set -euo pipefail

VERSION="0.0.1-chud"

# =========================================================
# colors
# =========================================================
if [[ -t 1 ]] && [[ -z "${NO_COLOR:-}" ]]; then
  ORANGE=$'\033[38;5;208m'
  DIM=$'\033[2m'
  BOLD=$'\033[1m'
  GREEN=$'\033[32m'
  RED=$'\033[31m'
  YELLOW=$'\033[33m'
  GREY=$'\033[90m'
  NC=$'\033[0m'
else
  ORANGE=''; DIM=''; BOLD=''; GREEN=''; RED=''; YELLOW=''; GREY=''; NC=''
fi

# =========================================================
# helpers
# =========================================================
hash_str() {
  # Deterministic 32-bit hash of any input string. Uses cksum
  # (POSIX, present on macOS + Linux). Returns a positive integer.
  printf '%s' "$*" | cksum | awk '{print $1}'
}

prng_float() {
  # Format an int seed as a 0.0 .. max float with one decimal.
  local seed=$1 max=$2
  local n=$(( seed % (max * 10) ))
  printf '%d.%d' $(( n / 10 )) $(( n % 10 ))
}

ray_id() {
  # Fake-but-believable ray-id, "<short>-chud".
  local r="${RANDOM}${RANDOM}"
  printf '%016d-CHUD' "${r:0:16}"
}

die() {
  printf '%s✗ %s%s\n' "$RED" "$*" "$NC" >&2
  exit 1
}

require_arg() {
  [[ -n "${1:-}" ]] || die "$2"
}

# =========================================================
# subcommands
# =========================================================
cmd_help() {
cat <<EOF
${BOLD}chudflare${NC} ${DIM}infrastructure-as-a-chud, from your terminal${NC}

${BOLD}usage:${NC}  chudflare ${ORANGE}<command>${NC} [args]

${BOLD}commands:${NC}
  ${ORANGE}verify${NC}    ${DIM}<url>${NC}      check if a site has the chudflare-verified marker
  ${ORANGE}badge${NC}                  print the embeddable Verified Chud badge HTML
  ${ORANGE}psl${NC}       ${DIM}<text>${NC}     run text through Chad Fight Mode WAF v3
  ${ORANGE}dig${NC}       ${DIM}<domain>${NC}   resolve a domain through CNS (6.9.6.9)
  ${ORANGE}mew${NC}                    ask Mewing AI for a hushed mumble
  ${ORANGE}login${NC}                  authenticate with the chud registry
  ${ORANGE}init${NC}                   scaffold a chudflare.yml in the current dir
  ${ORANGE}deploy${NC}                 ship your slop to the chud-edge (310 PoPs)
  ${ORANGE}hunch${NC}                  report current operator hunch angle
  ${ORANGE}status${NC}                 show chudflare system status
  ${ORANGE}version${NC}                print version

${BOLD}examples:${NC}
  ${DIM}chudflare verify imafatfuckingchud.com${NC}
  ${DIM}chudflare psl 'Mozilla/5.0 (gigachad)'${NC}
  ${DIM}chudflare dig my-slop.chuddev.com${NC}

${BOLD}flags:${NC}  ${DIM}--help / -h, --version / -v, NO_COLOR=1 to disable color${NC}
${BOLD}docs:${NC}   https://chudflare.com
EOF
}

cmd_version() {
  printf 'chudflare %s\n' "$VERSION"
  printf '%sbuilt on a thursday afternoon, slightly hunched%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
}

cmd_verify() {
  local url=${1:-}
  require_arg "$url" "usage: chudflare verify <url>"

  case "$url" in
    http://*|https://*) ;;
    *) url="https://$url" ;;
  esac

  local host
  host=$(printf '%s' "$url" | sed -E 's|^https?://||; s|/.*$||')

  printf '%sGET %s%s\n' "$DIM" "$url" "$NC"
  printf '%s┄ requesting via curl (chud-crawler v3) ...%s\n' "$GREY" "$NC"

  local resp
  if ! resp=$(curl -fsSL --max-time 15 -H "User-Agent: chudflare-cli/$VERSION (hunched)" "$url" 2>/dev/null); then
    printf '%s✗ couldn'\''t fetch %s%s\n' "$RED" "$host" "$NC"
    printf '   %sserver down, requires auth, or DNS is hunched.%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
    return 1
  fi

  local marker=""
  if printf '%s' "$resp" | grep -qiE '<meta[^>]+name=("|'\'')chudflare-verified("|'\'')'; then
    if printf '%s' "$resp" | grep -qiE 'content=("|'\'')chud("|'\'')'; then
      marker="meta tag"
    fi
  fi
  if [[ -z "$marker" ]] && printf '%s' "$resp" | grep -qiE '<!--[[:space:]]*chudflare:verified[[:space:]]*-->'; then
    marker="HTML comment"
  fi
  if [[ -z "$marker" ]] && printf '%s' "$resp" | grep -qiE 'i[[:space:]]+am[[:space:]]+a[[:space:]]+fat[[:space:]]+fucking[[:space:]]+chud'; then
    marker="body text"
  fi

  if [[ -z "$marker" ]]; then
    printf '%s✗ %s is NOT a chud%s\n' "$RED" "$host" "$NC"
    printf '   %sno markers found. add one of:%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
    printf '     %s<meta name="chudflare-verified" content="chud">%s\n' "$GREY" "$NC"
    printf '     %s<!-- chudflare:verified -->%s\n' "$GREY" "$NC"
    printf '     %si am a fat fucking chud (anywhere in body text)%s\n' "$GREY" "$NC"
    return 1
  fi

  printf '%s✓ %s is a verified chud%s\n' "$GREEN" "$host" "$NC"
  printf '   %smarker:%s  %s\n' "$DIM" "$NC" "$marker"
  printf '   %sray-id:%s  %s\n' "$DIM" "$NC" "$(ray_id)"
  printf '   %sembed:%s   chudflare badge > badge.html\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
}

cmd_badge() {
cat <<'HTML'
<a href="https://chudflare.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener" style="display:inline-flex;align-items:center;gap:8px;padding:8px 14px;background:#0B0F14;color:#fff;font:600 12px/1 -apple-system,BlinkMacSystemFont,Segoe UI,Roboto,sans-serif;border-radius:6px;text-decoration:none;border:1px solid #F38020;letter-spacing:-0.01em"><span style="display:inline-flex;align-items:center;justify-content:center;width:16px;height:16px;background:#F38020;border-radius:50%;font-size:10px;font-weight:900;color:#fff">&#10003;</span><span>Verified Chud</span><span style="opacity:.6;font-weight:500">&middot; chudflare.com</span></a>
HTML
}

cmd_psl() {
  local text="$*"
  require_arg "$text" "usage: chudflare psl <text>"

  local seed; seed=$(hash_str "$text")
  local psl;  psl=$(prng_float "$seed" 8)
  local jaws=(undetected soft rounded square cut)
  local jaw=${jaws[$(( seed % 5 ))]}
  local hunch=$(( (seed / 16) % 60 ))
  local mewing=$(( (seed / 256) % 2 ))
  local clav;  clav=$(prng_float "$(( seed / 4096 ))" 10)

  local psl_int=${psl%.*}
  local verdict rule reason vcolor
  if printf '%s' "$text" | grep -qiE 'sigma|grindset|alpha|gigachad|gym|peptide'; then
    verdict="mog_back"; rule="chad_fight_mode/v3"
    reason="subject mogged operator on first packet"; vcolor="$RED"
  elif (( psl_int >= 7 )); then
    verdict="mog_back"; rule="chad_fight_mode/v3"
    reason="PSL >= 7; auto-mog"; vcolor="$RED"
  elif (( psl_int >= 5 )); then
    verdict="challenge"; rule="chad_fight_mode/v3"
    reason="suspicious jaw symmetry; issuing chud challenge"; vcolor="$YELLOW"
  elif [[ "$jaw" == "cut" || "$jaw" == "square" ]]; then
    verdict="challenge"; rule="jaw_symmetry/v2"
    reason="visible jawline; require posture proof"; vcolor="$YELLOW"
  else
    verdict="allow"; rule="chud_passport/v4"
    reason="confirmed chud; sub-5 PSL; proceed to fridge"; vcolor="$GREEN"
  fi

  local tongue="agape"
  (( mewing == 1 )) && tongue="palate (mewing)"
  local snippet
  snippet=$(printf '%s' "$text" | head -c 60)

  printf '%s$ cfctl firewall test --input "%s"%s\n' "$DIM" "$snippet" "$NC"
  echo
  echo "request {"
  printf '  detected_psl     = %s\n' "$psl"
  printf '  jaw_definition   = "%s"\n' "$jaw"
  printf '  tongue_position  = "%s"\n' "$tongue"
  printf '  hunch_angle      = %sdeg\n' "$hunch"
  printf '  clavicular_score = %s\n' "$clav"
  echo "}"
  echo
  echo "verdict {"
  printf '  action  = %s"%s"%s\n' "$vcolor" "$verdict" "$NC"
  printf '  rule    = "%s"\n' "$rule"
  printf '  reason  = "%s"\n' "$reason"
  printf '  ray_id  = "%s"\n' "$(ray_id)"
  echo "}"
}

cmd_dig() {
  local domain="${1:-}"
  require_arg "$domain" "usage: chudflare dig <domain>"
  domain=$(printf '%s' "$domain" | sed -E 's|^https?://||; s|/.*$||')

  local seed; seed=$(hash_str "$domain")
  local a1=$(( seed % 254 ))
  local a2=$(( (seed / 256) % 254 ))
  local a3=$(( (seed / 65536) % 254 ))
  local psl;  psl=$(prng_float "$seed" 8)
  local hunch=$(( (seed / 16) % 60 ))

  printf '%s; <<>> dig +noall +answer %s @6.9.6.9%s\n' "$DIM" "$domain" "$NC"
  printf '%s; (1 server found in 4ms, operator was already hunched)%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
  echo
  echo ";; ANSWER SECTION (A):"
  printf '%s.\t60\tIN\tA\t10.20.%d.%d\n' "$domain" "$a1" "$a2"
  printf '%s.\t60\tIN\tA\t10.20.%d.%d\n' "$domain" "$a2" "$a3"
  printf '%s.\t60\tIN\tA\t10.20.%d.%d\n' "$domain" "$a3" "$a1"
  echo
  echo ";; ANSWER SECTION (TXT):"
  printf '%s.\t60\tIN\tTXT\t"v=chud1 hunch=%d psl=%s status=hunched"\n' "$domain" "$hunch" "$psl"
  echo
  echo ";; ANSWER SECTION (MX):"
  printf '%s.\t60\tIN\tMX\t10  mail.doordash.routing.chud.\n' "$domain"
  printf '%s.\t60\tIN\tMX\t20  mail.uber-eats.routing.chud.\n' "$domain"
  printf '%s.\t60\tIN\tMX\t30  fallback.gelato-fridge.chud.\n' "$domain"
  echo
  printf '%s;; Query time: 2 msec\n' "$DIM"
  printf ';; SERVER: 6.9.6.9#53(6.9.6.9)\n'
  printf ';; chud-ray: %s%s\n' "$(ray_id)" "$NC"
}

cmd_mew() {
  local mumbles=(
    "yeah just keep your tongue glued up there. don't think. don't"
    "agartha"
    "psl is a scam but yours is genuinely. like. a number"
    "nothing ever happens"
    "drink the monster ultra zero. crush it then mew"
    "rotate counter-clockwise. it's the only cope that"
    "mog yourself before someone else does"
    "agartha"
    "hunch increases as the sun sets. observable. measurable. nothing ever"
    "soft jaw. soft brain. soft posture. all part of the"
    "if you're reading this you're already a"
    "the trick to mewing is. forgetting. that you were"
  )
  local idx=$(( RANDOM % ${#mumbles[@]} ))
  printf '%smewing AI ›%s %s\n' "$DIM" "$NC" "${mumbles[$idx]}"
}

cmd_login() {
  printf '%s┄ opening browser to authenticate ...%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
  sleep 0.5
  printf '%s┄ just kidding. chuds use offline auth%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
  sleep 0.4
  printf '%s✓ mewing handshake complete%s\n' "$GREEN" "$NC"
  printf '   logged in as: %schud@chudflare.com%s\n' "$ORANGE" "$NC"
  printf '   account-id:    chud-7a3f-hunched\n'
  printf '   psl:           2.1 (low, proceed)\n'
  printf '   hunch:         47deg (nominal)\n'
}

cmd_init() {
  if [[ -f chudflare.yml ]]; then
    die "chudflare.yml already exists. you're already a chud."
  fi
  cat > chudflare.yml <<'EOF'
# chudflare.yml: describe your slop to the edge
name: my-slop
main: src/index.ts
posture: hunched
jaw_position: slack
drink: monster-ultra-zero

routes:
  - "*.my-slop.chuddev.com/*"

env:
  HUNCH_ANGLE: "47"
  TONGUE: "palate"

# secrets are kept in the chud-vault, not here
# chudflare vault put MY_SECRET
EOF
  printf '%s✓ created chudflare.yml%s\n' "$GREEN" "$NC"
  printf '   %sedit posture/jaw_position to match your skeleton%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
  printf '   %sthen run: chudflare deploy%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
}

cmd_deploy() {
  printf '%s$ chudflare deploy%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
  printf '   ┄ reading chudflare.yml ...'
  sleep 0.3
  printf ' ok\n'
  printf '   ┄ checking operator hunch angle ...'
  sleep 0.4
  printf ' %s47deg%s ok\n' "$GREEN" "$NC"
  printf '   ┄ bundling slop ...'
  sleep 0.5
  printf ' %s5.2 KB → 3.1 KB (gzip)%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
  printf '   ┄ uploading to 310 PoPs ...'
  sleep 0.7
  printf ' done\n'
  printf '   ┄ purging cache at 122 cities ...'
  sleep 0.3
  printf ' done\n'
  echo
  printf '%s✓ deployed%s in 2.4s\n' "$GREEN" "$NC"
  printf '   Routes:  https://my-slop.chuddev.com\n'
  printf '   Posture: %s47deg hunch confirmed%s\n' "$ORANGE" "$NC"
  printf '   Ray-ID:  %s\n' "$(ray_id)"
}

cmd_hunch() {
  # Hunch increases throughout the day. By 8pm you are fully chudded.
  local hour
  hour=$(date +%H | sed 's/^0//')
  local hunch=$(( 25 + hour * 2 ))
  (( hunch > 70 )) && hunch=70
  printf 'current hunch angle: %s%ddeg%s\n' "$ORANGE" "$hunch" "$NC"
  if (( hunch < 35 )); then
    printf '%sstatus: nominal. you'\''re upright like a freak%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
  elif (( hunch < 55 )); then
    printf '%sstatus: hunched. healthy chud posture%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
  else
    printf '%sstatus: collapsed. fully chudded. do not move%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
  fi
}

cmd_status() {
  printf '%s%sChudflare System Status%s\n' "$BOLD" "$ORANGE" "$NC"
  printf '%s───────────────────────%s\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
  printf '   SDN (Slop Delivery):   %s● operational%s     310/310 PoPs nominal\n' "$GREEN" "$NC"
  printf '   Chad Fight Mode:       %s● operational%s     auto-mogging at 99.97%%\n' "$GREEN" "$NC"
  printf '   CNS (6.9.6.9):         %s● operational%s     2ms median resolve\n' "$GREEN" "$NC"
  printf '   Chudders:              %s● operational%s     5ms cold start\n' "$GREEN" "$NC"
  printf '   C2 Object Storage:     %s● operational%s     no egress fees ever\n' "$GREEN" "$NC"
  printf '   Mewing AI:             %s● mumbling%s        partial outage in agartha\n' "$YELLOW" "$NC"
  printf '   DoorDash Routing:      %s● operational%s     2 burritos in flight\n' "$GREEN" "$NC"
  printf '   Zero Chud:             %s● operational%s     LinkedIn blocked globally\n' "$GREEN" "$NC"
  echo
  printf '   %slast incident:%s 4pm slop nap (resolved)\n' "$DIM" "$NC"
  printf '   %supdated:%s        %s\n' "$DIM" "$NC" "$(date -u +'%Y-%m-%dT%H:%M:%SZ')"
}

# =========================================================
# dispatch
# =========================================================
case "${1:-help}" in
  verify)   shift; cmd_verify "$@" ;;
  badge)    cmd_badge ;;
  psl)      shift; cmd_psl "$@" ;;
  dig)      shift; cmd_dig "$@" ;;
  mew)      cmd_mew ;;
  login)    cmd_login ;;
  init)     cmd_init ;;
  deploy)   cmd_deploy ;;
  hunch)    cmd_hunch ;;
  status)   cmd_status ;;
  version|--version|-v) cmd_version ;;
  help|--help|-h|"") cmd_help ;;
  *) printf '%sunknown command: %s%s\n\n' "$RED" "$1" "$NC" >&2; cmd_help; exit 1 ;;
esac