Core Infrastructure
SDN (Slop Delivery Network)
Operational
310/310 PoPs operational. Posture nominal.
Chad Fight Mode™
Operational
auto-mogging at 99.97%
CNS (6.9.6.9)
Operational
2ms median resolve
Sigma Status Layer (SSL)
Operational
TLS 1.chud
Compute & Storage
Chudders (Serverless)
Operational
5ms cold start
C2 Object Storage
Operational
no egress fees ever
Chuds (Static Hosting)
Operational
Git push → slop deploy
Chud
Mumbling
partial outage in agartha
Support Services
DoorDash Routing
Operational
2 burritos in flight
Zero Chud (SASE)
Operational
LinkedIn blocked globally
Chud Verification API
Operational
4.2K sites verified
Slop Streams (Kafka)
Operational
0 consumer lag (no consumers)
Past Incidents
May 16, 2026 · Resolved
Chud AI responded in full sentences
12:42 UTC: Monitoring detected Chud AI was outputting coherent, grammatically correct English. This violated our SLA of "mumbled, incomplete, lowercase" responses.
12:58 UTC: Root cause identified: a rogue fine-tune accidentally improved the model's communication skills.
13:14 UTC: Rolled back to the pre-improvement checkpoint. Chud AI is once again producing incoherent output. Resolved.
12:58 UTC: Root cause identified: a rogue fine-tune accidentally improved the model's communication skills.
13:14 UTC: Rolled back to the pre-improvement checkpoint. Chud AI is once again producing incoherent output. Resolved.
May 9, 2026 · Resolved
DEN-CHUD-3 PoP temporarily achieved good posture
08:30 UTC: Our Denver edge node reported a hunch angle of 2deg, well below the 25deg minimum threshold.
08:47 UTC: Automated remediation deployed: added a 40lb weighted blanket to the rack. Hunch angle restored to 47deg. Resolved.
08:47 UTC: Automated remediation deployed: added a 40lb weighted blanket to the rack. Hunch angle restored to 47deg. Resolved.
Apr 28, 2026 · Resolved
Chad Fight Mode accidentally allowed a gigachad through
16:02 UTC: A single request with PSL 8.7 bypassed Chad Fight Mode and was served a 200. Internal alarms triggered immediately.
16:03 UTC: The request was retroactively 403'd and the visitor was sent a strongly-worded email telling them to leave.
16:15 UTC: Updated classifier with an additional 400M looksmaxxing samples. False-positive rate for gigachads now at 0.0003%. Resolved.
16:03 UTC: The request was retroactively 403'd and the visitor was sent a strongly-worded email telling them to leave.
16:15 UTC: Updated classifier with an additional 400M looksmaxxing samples. False-positive rate for gigachads now at 0.0003%. Resolved.
Apr 14, 2026 · Resolved
4pm slop nap exceeded scheduled duration by 3 hours
16:00 UTC: The daily company-wide slop nap began as scheduled.
19:12 UTC: SRE team woke up. All services had continued to operate via autopilot because, frankly, the infrastructure doesn't need us. Resolved.
19:12 UTC: SRE team woke up. All services had continued to operate via autopilot because, frankly, the infrastructure doesn't need us. Resolved.
Chudflare System Status · Updated every 47 seconds · chudflare.com
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