Announcing Chud AI 2.0: now with native palate detection

Today we're shipping Chud AI 2.0, a ground-up rewrite of our chud-native LLM. v2 is faster, mumblier, and dramatically less coherent than v1. It is, by every internal benchmark, the worst-communicating model on the market. We are extremely proud of it.

What's new in 2.0

Native palate detection

Chud AI 2.0 ships with a built-in palate-position classifier. Before generating a response, the model assesses the operator's tongue position via WebRTC microphone leak. If the tongue is detected on the palate (i.e. the operator is actively mewing), the model responds with extra mumbles to match the user's energy. If the tongue is on the floor, the model assumes the operator is "fully chudded" and shortens all responses to fewer than 12 tokens.

Sub-mumble token streaming

v1 streamed completed words. v2 streams individual mumbles. This gives the user the perceptual experience of a real chud trying to form a sentence but giving up halfway through, which is a 47% improvement in our internal "is this a chud?" benchmark.

$ chudflare mewing-ai --stream "what's the weather like"
m...
mm...
mmm...
i'd check but
i'd check but it's
i'd check but it's fi
i'd check but it's f

Agartha-mode

v2 includes a configurable agartha_mode parameter. When set to true, the model responds to every query with exactly the word "agartha". This is useful for users who find v1's responses too informative.

Improved hunch awareness

v2 dynamically adjusts response coherence based on the time of day. Responses at 9am are slightly more articulate (still incoherent, but you can almost parse them). Responses after 8pm degrade into pure mumble. This matches the natural hunch curve of a working chud.

Benchmarks

We benchmarked v2 against v1 and against three industry-standard frontier models. v2 won every metric that we care about:

Metric	v1	v2
Mumble ratio	0.71	0.94
Avg. tokens before giving up	23	11
"agartha" frequency	14%	19%
Lowercase ratio	0.97	0.99
Coherence (lower is better)	2.4	1.3

Availability

Chud AI 2.0 is available today on all paid plans. Free-tier users continue to get v1.4.7. To upgrade, run:

$ chudflare mewing-ai upgrade --version 2.0
¯¯¯ pulling weights from c2 ...
¯¯¯ warming up palate detector ...
¯¯¯ calibrating hunch angle ...
✓ mewing-ai 2.0 ready
  current tongue position: floor (will degrade gracefully)

We can't wait to see what you build with it. Or, more accurately, we can't wait to see what you almost build with it, before getting distracted and going to make a slop sandwich.

Madison, VP of Chud AI (currently mid-palate)